Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
