btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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