I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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