you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
