I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
