I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She even gives head with a lisp.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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