Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sorry about my life...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
