A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize