Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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