Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
