I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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