Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
