you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
