i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
