god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
