guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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