I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You may now shotgun with the bride
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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