Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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