Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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