Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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