I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
