Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
