its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
