in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
