Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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