Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
