after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is this like a preordered booty call?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
