how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
