to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
