sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
