apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is wine microwaveable?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I will pee on everything he values.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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