A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
