I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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