3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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