I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She told me I should be a condom model.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
