wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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