I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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