i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
