Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
