Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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