Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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