Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
