I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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