Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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