..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
