I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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