I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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