it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
