There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
