What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
