Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
