Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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