My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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