She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wanna go halves on a baby?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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