The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
