one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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