i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
