all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
