I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
