so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
