i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
