i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
