well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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