Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
