Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
