he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
