I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
