Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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