Sponge bath it is.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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