Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
