just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sober January is a disaster.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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