went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
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I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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