She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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