I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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