He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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